I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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