I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
