Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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