I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
