I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
