everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Randomize
