why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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