I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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