for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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