best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
