Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
