3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
