I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
