What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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