We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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