u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
