Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
