When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
