Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
