Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
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I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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