That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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