She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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