if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
