i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
