dude i'm inner monologue high
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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