I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
