BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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