Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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