just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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