So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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