another moral hangover. fuck.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
