i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
