we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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