Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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