Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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