I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
