You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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