dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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