dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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