sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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