watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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