he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
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The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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