I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
