areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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