Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
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Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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