the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
