She is in my trunk
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
