Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
