My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
