He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Terrible idea I love it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
