ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
