billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
