My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
