it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
