Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
