Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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