so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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