why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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