i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
