I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
