i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
