I just cut my nipple shaving
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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