Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
