You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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