He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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