so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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