Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
